Sunday, October 24, 2010

95 Theses and the Pope Ain't One

October 31st is Reformation Sunday. It's a time to celebrate the history and heritage of the Reformation. Some exciting things happened that changed the Church forever. For example, on October 31st 1517, Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of The Castle Church in Wittenberg, which helped to start the entire Reformation movement. But too often this time period gets remembered as just another boring, irrelevant time in the Church. Thanks to a rap song by Alexander Dominitz and Chris Ripley, the Reformation is given back some of its edge. Yup, a rap song about the Reformation. Here it is, "I Got 95 Theses and the Pope Ain't One":

I got 95 Theses and the Pope Ain't One

If you havin Church problems then dont blame God, son
I got ninety-five theses but the Pope aint one.

Listen up, all my people, its a story for the telling
bout the sin and injustice and corruption I been smelling:
I met that homie Tetzel, then I started rebelling
Once I seen the fat Indulgences that he been selling.
Now the Cathlics of the world straight up disgracin me
Just because I waved my finger at the papacy.
My people got riled up over this Reformation
Thats when Leo threatened me with Excommunication.
I warned yall that Rome best agree to the terms.
If not, then you can eat my Diet of Worms!
You think you done something spectacular?
I wrote the Bible in the vernacular!
A heretic! [What?] Someone throw me a bone.
You forgot salvation comes through faith alone.
Im on a mission from God. You think I do this for fun?
I got ninety-five theses but the Pope aint one.
Save me!

Ninety-five theses but the Pope ain't one.
If you havin Church problems then don't blame God, son
I got ninety-five theses but the Pope ain't one.

One Five One Seventhats when it first went down.
Then the real test was when it started spreading around.
Sixty days to recant what I said? Father, please!
You've had, what? Goin on fifteen centuries?
Oh snap, hes messin with the holy communion.
But I ain't never dissed your precious hypostatic union!
One place at one time. Well, thank you Zwingli.
Yeah, way to disregard that whole I'm God thingy!
Getting all up in my rosary you little punk.
Your momma shoulda told you not to mess with no monk.
What you bumpin me for? Suddenly you sore.
Keep that up, you'll have yourself another Peasant War.
You blame common folk for the smack they talkin
You ain't even taught them proper Christian doctrine.
With my hat, my Bible, and my sexy little nun,
I got ninety-five theses but the Pope ain't one.
Save me!


When I wrote the ninety-five, haters straight up assailed em.
Now they only care whether or not I nailed em or mailed em.
They got psychoanalytic. Now everyones a critic,
And getting on my case just because Im anti-Semitic.
Ive come back from obscurity to teach y'all a lesson,
Cuz someone here still ain't read their Augsburg Confession.
I said Catholicism brings a life of excess,
And we all remember what went down with Philip of Hesse!
But you forgot about me and my demonstration?
Like you can just create your own denomination?
We don't like this part, so well just add a little twist.
Now we Anglican, Amish, and even Calvinist.
I gave you the power, you gone and abused it.
I gave you Gods truth, you just confused it.
Don't you never underestimate the stuff that I done
I got 95 theses but the Pope ain't one.
Save me!


1 comment:

  1. Very clever! And it is actually pretty good lyrically which gives it more 'cred' than most attempts to incorporate religion and rap.